This past week has been rough. I've been spending my time asking mentors for advice, talking to our users, and trying to find my footing again. It's been an emotional roller coaster filled with pain and reflection. While I know rationally this is just a phase and I will emerge stronger, it's hard to feel that strength now.
Through all of this, I've learned that people will always tell you different things. Sometimes the people closest to you will doubt you the most, and sometimes a stranger will offer some of the most insightful advice you've heard in awhile. It's easy to get lost in this confusion, and even easier to let these conflicting stories fill you with self-doubt.
In the end, I've come to terms with the fact that I have to listen to my own voice and follow what I love.
I use "come to terms with" because this path wasn't my first choice. I first asked my mentors how they overcame their own struggles secretly hoping for an obvious right answer and a golden ticket out of this turmoil. Instead I heard several different approaches, some more applicable than others, but all of them right.
One of my favorites was an email from David Cohen, Techstars' CEO that read: "It's probably not what you want to hear right now, but my co-founders helped me through it. They were up when I was down. I had two great ones." Haha, thanks David :)
Luckily I decided to ask his co-founder David Brown the same question, and he shared: "I can't tell you what to do, other than to look in your heart, you'll know what's right. No matter what you decide, you will look back years from now on this experience with fond memories."
At first I didn't understand what he meant. I was so down in the dumps that I didn't think I had any answers. I thought I had failed my team miserably and that no one, including myself, should listen to me. But then it clicked.
I realized that my mistakes were due not because my voice was wrong, but because it was non-existent. Somewhere along the way I had merged my identity with PlayFull's, and my voice shifted from my heart to become the average opinion of those around me. Instead of being the force that pushed PlayFull forward, I became the object that needed to be pushed.
I know it will take time to separate the two again. Writing will help, and I've been struggling immensely to commit to this process. So far, a lot of my writing is confusing because my thoughts are still solidifying. Thanks and apologies to those who have seen early drafts of my other topics; I tried to force those without a clear voice and their fragmented messages show. I will push forward and search instead for the messages from within.
Lastly, I've learned following what you love is essential. Bart Lorang, FullContact's CEO was kind enough to share his story with me and how passion and persistence are crucial for staying afloat in rough waters. Only through this process will my activities and creativeness start moving in the right direction. I'm excited to reinvent and find where I left off.
Thank you everyone for the help and encouragement you have given me, it is incredibly inspiring to hear your own stories of triumph and defeat. Thanks for showing me that I'm not alone in this.