Patrick Lu

Companies are simply groups of people. 

I've always thought that founding a company was more about the work, the pursuit of an idea. While at its core this is what a company does, it isn't what a company is. 

One of the biggest mistakes I made as a founder is not emphasizing the importance of relationships inside the company. I always thought that if we just focused enough on our work and hit our goals we'd make a great company. And I'd be right if a team's goals had a perfect chance of being right. The problem is startups don't work like that. Startups make mistakes, tons of them. That's how we learn. So even if we hit all of our perceived "goals", those goals have a high chance of being wrong. 

So what holds a company together when you're constantly wrong?

The relationships. Working for the guy in the trench next to you. 

In the early days of PlayFull I didn't emphasize this enough, especially for the former co-founders Danny and Allen. We would grab lunch sometimes and talk about life, but it was sporadic, inconsistent, and an insufficient context for fostering strong relationships. And while things were going right, it didn't seem to matter. Everyone's happy when things are going well. 

But, as I learned the hard way, when hard times come and the work seems wrong or hopeless, the only thing left to hold onto is the relationships with your team. And if those relationships aren't deep or meaningful enough, the most rational decision is to jump ship. 

Now I have a deeper understanding of what team means. And the good news is that we've taken measures to fix it. For example, now we rotate choosing an activity for the rest of the team to play every week. Not only does this strengthen the team's relationships, it also brings us closer to our mission through living it. As PlayFull moves forward, I'm excited to spend more time getting to know Kimmy, Zhu, and the rest of the team beyond the work. The best part is I'm sure it'll be way more fun. 

Resilience is often times cited as the one thing that separates successful entrepreneurs from those who are not. If so, how does one become resilient?  

I believe that resilience is a skill that can be developed. While personality does contribute to how an individual reacts to a situation, I believe that practice can train a person to replace their natural reaction with a deliberate action. 

For me, I've found working on resilience is best practiced outside of my startup. The psychology translates and besides, startups aren't practice, they're the test.

Over time I've learned to practice resilience through exercise. A few years ago, I started swimming a few times a week because I saw its benefits on my friend Jacob. He's an MD/PhD candidate in my research lab at UCLA and I could see the impact a quick swim had on his work, his mind, and his physical health. The difference between us though was that he was on the triathlon team, and I didn't swim in high school or college. In fact, I sucked so badly in the beginning that I couldn't even make it 50m before panting and getting light-headed. 

However, surviving getting my ass handed to me every time I swam was exactly what helped me become more resilient. I got used to the pain, and eventually began to enjoy it because I could see that it was making me better. I was getting faster every month, and I could swim further and further without having to grasp the side of the pool for breath. Now I look forward to my swimming sessions as a cathartic time for me to unwind and think. 

Through swimming, I've learned that persevering through pain unlocks its reward: improvement. So whether it's swimming, running, or an indoor activity like reading or writing, work on something hard and long enough so that it might also get a chance to work on you.

This past week has been rough. I've been spending my time asking mentors for advice, talking to our users, and trying to find my footing again. It's been an emotional roller coaster filled with pain and reflection. While I know rationally this is just a phase and I will emerge stronger, it's hard to feel that strength now. 

Through all of this, I've learned that people will always tell you different things. Sometimes the people closest to you will doubt you the most, and sometimes a stranger will offer some of the most insightful advice you've heard in awhile. It's easy to get lost in this confusion, and even easier to let these conflicting stories fill you with self-doubt. 

In the end, I've come to terms with the fact that I have to listen to my own voice and follow what I love. 

I use "come to terms with" because this path wasn't my first choice. I first asked my mentors how they overcame their own struggles secretly hoping for an obvious right answer and a golden ticket out of this turmoil. Instead I heard several different approaches, some more applicable than others, but all of them right. 

One of my favorites was an email from David Cohen, Techstars' CEO that read: "It's probably not what you want to hear right now, but my co-founders helped me through it. They were up when I was down. I had two great ones." Haha, thanks David :)

Luckily I decided to ask his co-founder David Brown the same question, and he shared: "I can't tell you what to do, other than to look in your heart, you'll know what's right. No matter what you decide, you will look back years from now on this experience with fond memories." 

At first I didn't understand what he meant. I was so down in the dumps that I didn't think I had any answers. I thought I had failed my team miserably and that no one, including myself, should listen to me. But then it clicked. 

I realized that my mistakes were due not because my voice was wrong, but because it was non-existent. Somewhere along the way I had merged my identity with PlayFull's, and my voice shifted from my heart to become the average opinion of those around me. Instead of being the force that pushed PlayFull forward, I became the object that needed to be pushed. 

I know it will take time to separate the two again. Writing will help, and I've been struggling immensely to commit to this process. So far, a lot of my writing is confusing because my thoughts are still solidifying. Thanks and apologies to those who have seen early drafts of my other topics; I tried to force those without a clear voice and their fragmented messages show. I will push forward and search instead for the messages from within. 

Lastly, I've learned following what you love is essential.  Bart Lorang, FullContact's CEO was kind enough to share his story with me and how passion and persistence are crucial for staying afloat in rough waters. Only through this process will my activities and creativeness start moving in the right direction. I'm excited to reinvent and find where I left off. 

Thank you everyone for the help and encouragement you have given me, it is incredibly inspiring to hear your own stories of triumph and defeat. Thanks for showing me that I'm not alone in this. 

Last week, both of my co-founders left PlayFull to find jobs. While it was a difficult decision, it was what's best for everyone and I am grateful for the journey we shared. 

By no means is our entrepreneurial journey over, and PlayFull will move forward and evolve. However, as someone who has benefited greatly from the stories and lessons of other companies, I thought it would be helpful to pause and share some of our own. Big mistakes yield big lessons and boy do we have plenty of both :)

I will post periodic essays on what we've learned and continue to learn. And although these lessons come from within the context of entrepreneurship, I hope their application is taken beyond. Please share! 

Lastly, thank you to the family, friends, and mentors who have helped make this an amazing adventure. I am forever grateful.